I get it. Christmas movies have to be made but what blows about this piece is its complete lack of respect for its audience. The trailer opens up with familiar jokes and dynamics between Ben Stiller and Robert Di Nero’s characters. “I’m watching you,” sort of thing. This isn’t new. After seemingly a moment after the trailer has started, it launches into a titling of all of the “big name” stars in Little Fockers. That takes up a full 10 seconds. Talk about a realization that it’s going to take stars to get people into the seats for this one. The trailer relies on names, potty humor gags and recognition that there were two movies about these characters before (granted, I liked the first two alright).

No real plot is revealing in this trailer, leaving anyone who actually gives a damn wondering, why the fuck am I getting out of this besides a ton of cameras and the same interactions we’ve already seen before?

Bottom Line:

I imagine this would be a good one for the kids. If the trailer is any representation, this movie is a shitty friend. The guy who will do anything to please you. He’ll tell the same jokes over and over because you laughed at them once, and he’ll name drop like it’s hot. He’s shallow, uninteresting and superbly easy to read. Kids love him.

I wouldn’t rent this to support AIDS research.

Washed up movie stars (though I did expect better from John Malkovich) playing washed up secret agents. Didn’t they just make this movie? Didn’t Bruce Willis JUST make this movie? Oh yeah…

Bruce Willis is a cool guy. He’s starred in some of my favorite movies like The Fifth Element, 12 Monkeys, Sin City, Pulp Fiction and those Die Hard movies weren’t terrible. John Malkovich is a fine actor too. I loved him in Being John Malkovich and probably something else. It seems that due to the economic downturn, actors will star in anything to stay afloat, even the same movie, twice in a row.

The RED trailer plays out as expected. I could predict what was going to happen about two minutes in. Bruce and Johnny band together to fight the government for their lives. Action/comedy ensues. This trailer is formulaic, unfunny, and doesn’t even offer any decent action. There’s really nothing to say about this at all.

Bottom Line:

Nope.

((Scroll down for trailers))

Enter the Void

More info: http://geckomovies.com

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All I can think about as I watch this trailer is how much I hate Hollywood. This has bullshit written all over it. As soon as the first note of “freak” hits my speakers, I know they’re trying to infuse this story with more drama than there actually is. It’s Shakespearean, almost. An utterly absurd over-dramatizing of the importance of facebook and its rigorous invention. The shots of hundreds of beautiful sorority girls and the vicious 1920s stereotype of the Harvard upper-class coupled with the scenic college party fairytale provides clarity that this film, if you’d call the Frankensteined pieces of a thousand decaying canines begging for a bone a movie, is not only a giant piece of shit, but a mockery of itself and the genre of drama.

The trailer for The Social Network rolls like a soap opera, complete with sepia tone, terrible acting and a non-existent story pushed to its edge. If there is any sliver of question as to the purpose of this cash-gerbil then inject the bullet into your skull now before you brain leaks out of your nose. The only person who should go see The Social Network is the main character of its basing, for only he could enjoy the absurdity of fiction pasted over his life.

Bottom Line:

Holy fuck. I just killed my dog. What a huge douche nozzle of fuck. Don’t even watch this trailer again.

Hate Meter:

A full 10/10

Confused? Remember this guy?

Welp, Joaquin Phoenix pulled a fast one on you. Apparently he pulled a fast one…or at least a semi-lob on some of us, because the last few years of acting a certain way was an elaborate hoax, perpetrated by Joaquin in an effort to put together a documentary…thingy.

I can’t say that I ever thought Joaquin was a particularly impressive actor, but if he was acting on Letterman, then he’s got something going for him. He established a pretty interesting character and unlike Borat is willing to be the bad guy, he was willing to be vilified and made fun of. What Joaquin did, whether obvious or not, could be considered brave.

In comes the trailer for the I’m Still Here, a film that may shed some light on what the fuck Joaquin was doing these last few years and why. I’m a little bi-curious and so a little interested in what exactly drove Joaquin, a moderately popular A-Lister to drop it all and pursue something far more messy.

The trailer itself is artfully presented. We catch the pieces of Joaquin’s life over the last three years, but without much detail. Just splashes of color into a book filled with the lines Joaquin gave us through random interviews and clashes with media. If you’re aware of his story (in a nutshell, Joaquin supposedly retired from acting to pursue a rap career and had a complete personality overhaul into a drugged out psycho), then the quiet voice that narrates this trailer, compliments what is known about Joaquin’s choice and hints at why he made it. Something about finding one’s self.

It is evident that this film will be peculiar. The trailer acknowledges what you know, if you know the background and softly promises answers  or at least enough detail to draw your own conclusions.

Bottom Line:

It takes a fucking fire to get me into the theater, so I’ll probably “acquire” this one somehow. But if you’re a regular or sometimes movie goer, I definitely recommend checking this out.

Oddly enough, this is the first documentary review on Trailer Hater. Regardless of that pointless fact, Who is Harry Nilsson? looks to provide a chronically of an awesome musician. Harry Nilsson came into my life through a cartoon called The Point (apparently available on youtube), which still stands as one of my favorite movies of all time. The music is rich, clever and emotional. Personally, I’m totally interested to learn more about him. This trailer already presents somethings I didn’t know, like that Nilsson influenced the Beatles. You’ve heard of the Beatles, right?

The Bottom Line:

The trailer makes a good case for seeing this movie, but not really for seeing it in theaters. Oh hai, netflix.

Let me drop this straight up, I think 3D films are a waste of time. When I was just a wee lad, I remember seeing Muppets in 4D at Universal Studios and thinking, wow, this is an awesome novelty, but it doesn’t really help communicate a story or enhance the substance or realism of the story. Enter Avatar the modern Dances with Wolves in Space and now 3D is something of a standard for blockbluster. This is why it is incredibly refreshing to see 3D used how it should be used: taking something with absolutely no substance whatsoever and giving it an extra novel nudge.

As a teen, Jackass’ perpetual fart joke always struck a cord as being just the funniest thing out there. Don’t misunderstand me, when it comes to comedy and film I have a very critical eye, but with Jackass, I know exactly what I’m getting into. It’s low brow, and doesn’t try to be anything but fucking stupid as pavement. That sort of honestly is what is worthy of 3D enhancement. Watching this trailer, I know I want to see some dude get smacked in the face with a fish IN 3D.  I want to see Steve-o get launched inside a port-o IN 3D.  I want to see an apparently real gorilla destroy Bam’s parent’s place IN 3D. Why? Because it’s the lowest common denominator and Jackass knows it.

Bottom line:

I’m probably going get really stoned and watch the fuck out of this film in 3D. I suggest you do the same.

This comes out October 15th, 2010.

Finally a movie for every middle-class executive who spends half his/her life in the air. My favorite part of this trailer is how well it sells itself to that demographic. Notice the subtle cues:

:53 – Tricks of the trade – getting through security
1:08 – Red Carpet Club
1:12 – bragging about miles (call back to American Psycho anyone?)
1:33 -Uh oh, Hilton robe shot
1:44 – Suggestion of isolation because of traveling

Then we go into any traveling man’s fantasy which is hooking up with a similar travel-woman. Towards the end of the trailer we heard Clooney’s raspy voice tell us about how relationships are weight in our lives and that the less relationships you have to carry the lighter you are, thus the more you’re living. I can tell you what’s going to happen at the end of this movie right now, George Clooney’s character who has become in love with his lifestyle of escaping relationships and flying all the time falls in love with a chick and realizes he can’t live how he does and be with her. He quits his job and starts a new life.

Alright, I’ll be the first to admit it. I dropped the ball and haven’t updated the website in a long time. Hey, sometimes there just isn’t enough hate to go around. But after taking a look at this excuse for a movie trailer that was little I could do to keep my mouth shut.

I had big hopes the The Rock. As I’ve stated in other posts, I was a wrestling fan as a kid, and while The Rock wasn’t my favorite wrestler, no that award goes to the Macho Man Randy Savage. Nevertheless, The Rock was always entertaining with his loaded ego and showmanship. Fast-forward to 2002 when The Rock (going under the name The Rock) stars in The Scorpion King. Well, okay he wasn’t going to win an Oscar with that performance but as an action movie it isn’t bad. Then in 2003, The Rock takes it up a notch with a remake of The Run Down with Christopher Walken. By the time he acts in Doom (which I will never see) and makes a cameo in the Reno 911 movie, The Rock is solidifying himself among the great action heroes (I say great with some sense of sarcasm). Sure he hadn’t reached Arnold or Stallone at that point, but I’d give him a near-Van Damme. Then all shit hits the fan when in 2009 some jackass named Dwayne Johnson, no longer going by The Rock, stars in Race to Witch Mountain. Race to mother-fuckin’ Witch Mountain? Really? The Rock?

Firstly dropping “The Rock” as your name was a big mistake as it made you unique and not willing to play the Hollywood game, but then you go and act in some crappy ass kids movie? Okay, maybe the economy is bad and you need the cash. I mean you’re not Johnny Deep here. And hey, even Arnold starred in a kids movie which I might add is one of the most hilarious movies of all time. JAMIE!!!! But then The Rock drops the boulder down the cliff with this.

The Tooth Fairy starts like so many other trailers do, some guy is a jackass in this case it’s Dwwwaaayne Johnson. By 36 seconds, I’m thinking this character is such a jackass maybe that’s what the movie is about him just being a total tool. That’s somewhat watchable? But I soon realize that’s just some old The Rock-fan bias tinting my eyes.

The trailer quickly moves downhill, falling into the typical storyline trap of “this guy was like this, but then something fucking stupid happened and now he’s about to learn he shouldn’t be like this after all.” It’s at that point I realize: When did The Rock become Rob Schneider? Because let’s be honest, if you put Rob Schneider in the gym for a little while and have this movie come out during his male gigolo rise to fame, this movie isn’t starring Dwayne Johnson, it’s starring Rob Schneider. Then it hits me again, The Rock hasn’t become Rob Schneider, it’s far, far worse. The Rock has become Vin Diesel.

As a adolescent there was nothing more hilarious/badassish than a Vin Diesel movie. Pitch Black rocked, xXx was one of the most ridiculous and hilarious action movies of all time, Fast and the Furious feel somewhat short of that, and Chronicles of Riddick made my eyes bleed, but Vin Diesel was the man. Then this happened:

The Rock has fallen into the same track of action hero stardom that has befallen Vin Diesel. Act in enough ridiculous action movies with no real substance and sooner or later fans will get bored, you’ll stop getting decent scripts and just to survive you’ll act in one of these “kids movies” that still try to bring in an adult male audience so dad’s can still feel manly when taking their little girl to the theater.

What are some other symptoms of this action hero disease that I’ll now refer to as Pacifier Syndrome? Well, using Vin as an example, you’ll try to take on a serious role, so we can expect that from The Rock pretty soon. And then you’ll end up doing a sequel to (or is it a 5-quel at this point?) to one of your old action movies. Finally you’ll  star in some half-way okay action movie again barely brushing on the stardom you once had and maybe you’ll get another go around the same path but once you’re sick it’s hard to get better. It’s a sad road ahead for The Rock as his Pacifier Syndrome has just begun.  But you can tell that the disease is really taking its toll when the ex-action hero starts to make the same movie twice:

Bottom Line:

Don’t support this and help fight Pacifier Syndrome.