Finally a movie for every middle-class executive who spends half his/her life in the air. My favorite part of this trailer is how well it sells itself to that demographic. Notice the subtle cues:

:53 – Tricks of the trade – getting through security
1:08 – Red Carpet Club
1:12 – bragging about miles (call back to American Psycho anyone?)
1:33 -Uh oh, Hilton robe shot
1:44 – Suggestion of isolation because of traveling

Then we go into any traveling man’s fantasy which is hooking up with a similar travel-woman. Towards the end of the trailer we heard Clooney’s raspy voice tell us about how relationships are weight in our lives and that the less relationships you have to carry the lighter you are, thus the more you’re living. I can tell you what’s going to happen at the end of this movie right now, George Clooney’s character who has become in love with his lifestyle of escaping relationships and flying all the time falls in love with a chick and realizes he can’t live how he does and be with her. He quits his job and starts a new life.

Alright, I’ll be the first to admit it. I dropped the ball and haven’t updated the website in a long time. Hey, sometimes there just isn’t enough hate to go around. But after taking a look at this excuse for a movie trailer that was little I could do to keep my mouth shut.

I had big hopes the The Rock. As I’ve stated in other posts, I was a wrestling fan as a kid, and while The Rock wasn’t my favorite wrestler, no that award goes to the Macho Man Randy Savage. Nevertheless, The Rock was always entertaining with his loaded ego and showmanship. Fast-forward to 2002 when The Rock (going under the name The Rock) stars in The Scorpion King. Well, okay he wasn’t going to win an Oscar with that performance but as an action movie it isn’t bad. Then in 2003, The Rock takes it up a notch with a remake of The Run Down with Christopher Walken. By the time he acts in Doom (which I will never see) and makes a cameo in the Reno 911 movie, The Rock is solidifying himself among the great action heroes (I say great with some sense of sarcasm). Sure he hadn’t reached Arnold or Stallone at that point, but I’d give him a near-Van Damme. Then all shit hits the fan when in 2009 some jackass named Dwayne Johnson, no longer going by The Rock, stars in Race to Witch Mountain. Race to mother-fuckin’ Witch Mountain? Really? The Rock?

Firstly dropping “The Rock” as your name was a big mistake as it made you unique and not willing to play the Hollywood game, but then you go and act in some crappy ass kids movie? Okay, maybe the economy is bad and you need the cash. I mean you’re not Johnny Deep here. And hey, even Arnold starred in a kids movie which I might add is one of the most hilarious movies of all time. JAMIE!!!! But then The Rock drops the boulder down the cliff with this.

The Tooth Fairy starts like so many other trailers do, some guy is a jackass in this case it’s Dwwwaaayne Johnson. By 36 seconds, I’m thinking this character is such a jackass maybe that’s what the movie is about him just being a total tool. That’s somewhat watchable? But I soon realize that’s just some old The Rock-fan bias tinting my eyes.

The trailer quickly moves downhill, falling into the typical storyline trap of “this guy was like this, but then something fucking stupid happened and now he’s about to learn he shouldn’t be like this after all.” It’s at that point I realize: When did The Rock become Rob Schneider? Because let’s be honest, if you put Rob Schneider in the gym for a little while and have this movie come out during his male gigolo rise to fame, this movie isn’t starring Dwayne Johnson, it’s starring Rob Schneider. Then it hits me again, The Rock hasn’t become Rob Schneider, it’s far, far worse. The Rock has become Vin Diesel.

As a adolescent there was nothing more hilarious/badassish than a Vin Diesel movie. Pitch Black rocked, xXx was one of the most ridiculous and hilarious action movies of all time, Fast and the Furious feel somewhat short of that, and Chronicles of Riddick made my eyes bleed, but Vin Diesel was the man. Then this happened:

The Rock has fallen into the same track of action hero stardom that has befallen Vin Diesel. Act in enough ridiculous action movies with no real substance and sooner or later fans will get bored, you’ll stop getting decent scripts and just to survive you’ll act in one of these “kids movies” that still try to bring in an adult male audience so dad’s can still feel manly when taking their little girl to the theater.

What are some other symptoms of this action hero disease that I’ll now refer to as Pacifier Syndrome? Well, using Vin as an example, you’ll try to take on a serious role, so we can expect that from The Rock pretty soon. And then you’ll end up doing a sequel to (or is it a 5-quel at this point?) to one of your old action movies. Finally you’ll  star in some half-way okay action movie again barely brushing on the stardom you once had and maybe you’ll get another go around the same path but once you’re sick it’s hard to get better. It’s a sad road ahead for The Rock as his Pacifier Syndrome has just begun.  But you can tell that the disease is really taking its toll when the ex-action hero starts to make the same movie twice:

Bottom Line:

Don’t support this and help fight Pacifier Syndrome.

Wow, dystopian futures are really popular these days, huh. I’ll agree, at first glance the premise of this trailer sounds kind of cool.  A future where humans are going extinct and everyone is a vampire, then when you send the clip of the human harvesting fields at :39 and realize this is just The Matrix but with vampires novelty seems a lot less novel.  Sure, vampires are cool but what is this movie offering that the Blade series hasn’t already? Yes, Ethan Hawke & Willem Dafoe are in it, but those guys haven’t been cool since Gattaca and…Spider…uh…since, was okay, I need someone to name one for me, was Dafoe ever cool?

Any way, my major concern with this movie is that it’s all playing off of the big Twilight fanfare and creating a vampire movie fit for the fanboys to rave about. Furthermore the trailer makes it out to be like for vampires what Sin City was for the superhero genre. Not that such is a bad thing, just you run into similar stylistics.

I’ll give this piece something though, it’s captivating. I want to know if the humans are going to take back their dominance of if we’re better off just being vampires. This movie also appears to offer some undertones of class systems as suggested by 1:06 “There will always be those who are willing to pay extra for the real thing.”

Of course, the later part of the trailer features a overbearing tune which calls to recollection many trailers which have attempted to do similar (Sin City, Watchmen) by apposing suspiciously eerie, unsettling and unfitting music with action shots in an attempt to seem artistic. Plus they throw in some explosions and crossbows for good measure.

Bottom line:

I’d watch this bitch, but no way I’m paying for it.

Hello pretty lady with peely face. Whoa what’s that stupid robotic voice that’s trying to sound cool? Oh it’s just the narrator. Continue…Holy shitballz is that a terminator at :17? Is this terminator 6? Okay, okay.

This narrator is a little off but at least it makes the setting painfully obvious. Some trailers fail to do that, and while this isn’t the most tactful presentation of the facts, that the facts are presented allows me to overlook it – or maybe its just seeing Bruce Willis in that Andy Dick wig.  Okay, :46 Second Life commentary, cool. Does this trailer actually have anything to say? Yes it does, you see “two people have died while connect to their surrogates.” Impossible! That robotic narrator didn’t mention anything about that!

All of a sudden we’re watch the trailer for Minority Report with robots.  And wait? Is THAT A FUCKING HELICOPTER? What’s the rule of trailers with helicopters, kids? If there’s a helicopter in the trailer it’s going to be a bad movie.  Double that chance if the helicopter crashes or explodes and you know what, this movie is rolling 6’s.

Without delving any further into this trailer, it’s clear that it offers an interesting idea. What if our internet lives were so real they were our lives. A killer then challenges the notion of that reality by killing these “virtual” people. Will this movie answer those deep seeded questions about reality? My Bruce Willis sense says yes, but my wig and exploding helicopter senses say no.

Bottom line:

Don’t pay for this one unless your surrogate date is a my size barbie. Rentworthy? Yeah, but I won’t watch this more than once.

“Finally, a zombie movie that really gets it,” was my gut reaction after watching the Zombieland trailer.  My gut of course neglected to remember Shaun of the Dead but nevertheless Zombieland looks great.

Zombies, as most of you know, are the most absurd and frightening thing that could possible happen to humanity.  Personally, I’m plagued with an average of three zombie dreams a month in which I am constantly forced to escape a living dead onslaught. What Zombieland offers differently from every other zombie movie and trailer for that matter is a willingness to play on a level most people have been too frightened to consider.

One thing I love about this trailer is that its presented by a very Hitchhiker’s Guide-esc narrator. It begins to actually tell a story and get into the thick of its comedy by laying down this “zombie kill of the week” joke. What’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy combined with zombies? Zombieland apparently.

The trailer also uncovers and prominently displays what everyone secretly loves about the possibility of living in a zombie infested nightmare, the ability to kill like in a video game. The preview however, doesn’t skimp on some of the fear aspects by showing various chases, but selects the shots that people haven’t allowed themselves to think about like “what if a zombie were chasing a fat guy”.

Taking these hidden but so true to the comedy of zombie aspects and using it as bait, the Zombieland trailer knows how to push the zombie fearing person’s buttons and offers a convincing arguement as a result.

Bottom line:

This movie is a must see for any zombie lovers.

Where the Wild Things Are is one of the greatest children’s books of all time (right up there with Goodnight Moon and Pet the Bunny), which is why I’m very skeptical if not protective of what Hollywood might have done to it.

Warner Bros.’ trailer is beautifully simplistic and well composed. It juxtaposes simple clips while managing to maintain broad, emotional meaning that anyone with a childhood can identify with: being bored at school, spying on adults, a sense of adventure, loving the wilderness, etc.  The Arcade Fire music is wonderful and this trailer works so well that it allows for free association to conjure up individualized childhood recollections.

Most of us know the story of Where the Wild Things Are. Young Max is sent to bed after being a little monster and imagines a land where real monsters roam. He eventually becomes king of these beasts and explores the world with them before returning back home after becoming homesick. There in lies the problem. WTWTA fits perfectly in a 20 or so paged picture book, but how does all of that translate into a full-length movie?

We’ve all seen troubled adaptations of these sorts of childen’s books (How the Grinch Stole Christmas for example) and other short stories. The problem being the ideas are amazing in conception, but only fit over a short presentation. When the idea is stretched it loses its vitality. If WTWTA is going to be a short film, I could see from this trailer that it would to rock the world, but in long-form I can’t imagine how it will fill all the time. Max walking around the forest with the Wild Things can only be so amusing, which means that writer/director Spike Jonze and co-writer David Eggers must have developed further content for the feature.

Looking at Jonze’s (Being John Malkovich, Adaptation) and Eggers’ history, there is definitely a pallet for awesome creativity and complexity which the trailer does not give away beyond the emotional triggers presented. A book synopsis of Eggers’ The Wild Things (a book based on the screenplay) offers a divergent take on the standard WTWTA story. This, is a very good sign.

As a piece of art itself, I cannot stop watching this trailer and reconnecting with thoughts from being a kid. I’m proud to admit that this work brings smiling tears to my eyes as I think about youth, discovery, nature and those places where we all can go to be ourselves and live in some form of harmony.

Have Jonze and Eggers solved the curse of adaptation or will WTWTA fall as a hollow sampling of  an excellent short story? If this trailer is any indication, the live action version may just do us kids some justice.

Maybe this movie is exactly what we all need.

Bottom line:

I’d pay to see this.

Apparently this movie already came out in April of this year, not that it matters as I never intend on seeing it. This trailer presents a new genre I’m inventing called the Wes Anderson Generic. We all know the Wes Anderson film, it’s a story about unlikely love, unlikely situations and characters that say what we all mean to say. I like Wes Anderson films. I like Wes Anderson trailers. The Generic is all of those elements but without the spark that Anderson brings to the table.

All this trailer offers is a preview for a movie we’ve all seen a thousand times, but this time it’s taking place in a mattress store, some guy is adopting a baby from China (hello Madonna shout out), and nobody apparently has enough care to emote about it. Quite frankly, neither do I. At any given moment in watching this trailer, “I don’t care about this” resonates in my mind so frequently that it actually overlaps itself creating a broken record of apathy.

Just a side note in terms of cast. I have yet to see Zooey Deschanel in a convincing role, trailer, film or otherwise. Maybe it’s her distracting bug-like eyes, but her delivery is all like “I’m totally delivering this line right now.” Furthermore, I imagine this movie wouldn’t have even gotten a trailer if it wasn’t for the presence of John Goodman.

This trailer fails to convey the slightest bit of interest in itself or the plot it presents. In fact, there seems to be so little going on they have to repeat the fact that this guy works in a mattress store and that he’s adopting a baby from China a few times.  I’m not going to spend any more time going into detail about the potential of this movie and will instead just give you the bottom line.

Bottom Line:

If you like Wes Anderson films without their niche creativity and enjoy falling asleep to noise and moving pictures while your date piles up the tissues, go ahead and rent this.

It’s very likely that in your omnipotent perceptions you have noticed some changes here at Trailer Hater. Any guesses?

If you guessed that my person has a mustache you may put all of the mustached characters down.

Yup, we’ve got a new layout on Trailer Hater. We’re still getting some of the kinks out but should have everything under control soon.

This update is also to commemorate a new commitment to posting. We admit, our posts haven’t been exactly frequent. But we intend to change that. The more hate, the better right? Which is why we’re also extending an invitation to any haters at home who’d like to participate in our trailer review program to email us at hater@trailerhater.com and join our ranks.

That’s all for now. Stay posted.

Don’t trailer hate, that’s our job.

(New slogan. What do you think?)

The trailer begins by presenting us with some benign text. “Beyond 1984″ – okay I can believe that. If this is 1974 that’s only 10 years from now. “Beyond 2001″ – Alright, you’re conjuring up some Arthur C. Clarke now and while the year 2000 seems outlandish to the 70s, it’s just a number. “Beyond Love” – Eh, what? “Beyond Death” – Not sure how that relates to 2001, but sure. Yes, something beyond death. What have you got next oh mystical words trailer?

“ZARDOZ…ZARDOZ”  Wha…What did it just say? When this trailer said Zardoz once, I was stunned. But when it said Zardoz for a second time with an eerie echo, I was hooked. At 13 seconds, it should come as no surprise that the next image we see is a giant talking head (cough, Aladdin precursor, cough) and that the film this piece represents makes the Bible seem believable.

Quickly this trailer amazes, as at 21 seconds the giant talking Zardoz head pukes out GUNS! That’s right GUNS!!! Then wait, who’s that at 21 seconds in the red liatard thingy and a long pony tail, you bet, it’s Sean Connery.

At 1:29 when the classical music kicks in, I am literally at a loss for words. So many odd images, so many questions. Why is Sean Connery sliding into a mirror? Why is Sean Connery punching his way out of a dry cleaner bag?  Why is Sean Connery in a house of mirrors? Who directed this trailer? Who directed this movie? If this trailer is succeeding in anything (which it completely is) it’s offering so many startling juxtapositions that the viewer, even one in 2009, is utterly bedazzled, nay, haunted, by a need to understand the meaning of all of this.  To the trailer hater of 1974, this must be a turd dropper.

Post classical soundtrack the trailer begins to offer another series of oddities, this time in the form of a fisheye shot. Then when you least expect it. BAM! At 2:20 “ZARDOZ” strikes again. You know you have a captivating trailer when the stating of a simple name…word…sound elicits a need to comprehend.

Finally at 2:27 everything starts to make sense. We learn that we’re dealing with two alternate realities, one in which Zardoz rules over these violent men, one in which women live in peace. Zed, Sean Connery’s character is plummeted into the peace reality somehow and he fucks shit up.  The explanation is somewhat limited but it gives you a better grip on what your mind just took in for two minutes.

I’ve not seen Zardoz and likely never will have the opportunity to see it in theaters, but if a trailer came out like this today, you can bet your ass I’ll be putting down 7 bucks and waiting in line. Now, I’ve heard Zardoz turned out to be a not-so-amazing movie, but for its bravery in artistic representation and willingness to flabbergast the viewer, this trailer takes the unbeaten path to selling a flick, and succeeds.

Bottom line:

If you find yourself a time-machine, head back to 1974 and watch Sean Connery’s hairy ass on the big screen. If you’re no HG Wells then rent this like it’s hot.

Finally, a movie trailer with the right balance of danger, science fiction and humanity. Moon stars my favorite Galaxy Quest star, Sam Rockwell, in the story of a energy harvester living and working on the moon for a three year stay.  Things appear to go wrong (as they often do in space according to Hollywood) when Rockwell’s character starts to fall into a depression as his foray on the moon comes to a close. With two weeks remaining he locates a wreck and discovers the body of what may be himself.

In a big way, Moon offers a trailer with everything.  It opens with science fiction elements (living on the moon, a robotic HAL adaptation, space stations) presents the appeal of environmental development (mhhhm, clean future energy) and with an unassuming musical score paints a clear picture of the Rockwell’s life on the moon without giving too much away.  At 1:06, the trailer music hints at something more devious as Rockwell finds a space wreck and a concerning body of what appears to be his clone. At 1:18 the score turns from Sci-Fi to Thriller as the viewer moves to understand what’s going on. At 1:26 HAL takes the trailer on a further twist by suggesting that this interesting twist is perhaps the imaginings of Rockwell’s character who has been living alone on the moon for nearly three years. In 20 seconds, the trailer has provided two interesting plot points with the subtly of imagery and language. This trailer does not give any answers, a mistake many trailers make, but instead presents a series of intriguing questions without overtly saying what they are.

The latter third of the trailer displays a myriad of explosion images as it presents potential answers to its questions, but manages to give viewers a reason to see the actual movie without concluding anything. Sure, the use of explosions as a compelling device is as overused in Hollywood trailers as jump cuts, but in this instance it conveys actual plot development meaning as opposed to mere primal flavoring.

Bottom Line:

This film may just end up being a Frankenstein chimera of 2001, Solaris, and The Blair Witch Project but the trailer has opened up a gap of mystery worth investigating.

Moon may not be worth the pretty penny of film admission unless you’re towing a date, but it is 100% worthy of a rental.