When I heard “they” (aka dumb-fuck Hollywood) were making a DBZ movie, I was actually pretty excited. Not only was DBZ one of my favorite after school shows that pumped me up for track practice, but with episode after episode of enemies gazing into each others’ eyes while grunting and “charging up”, it kindled one of my longstanding loves, men. So, clearly I was excited when I heard DBZ was being adapted to the bring screen. Then I heard it was going to be a live action movie. “Okay,” I thought, “that could be really stupid or pretty cool if they pull it off.” Later on, when I heard that they’re making a Dragonball movie instead of a DBZ movie my reaction was, “Why?”
Fast forward to whenever I saw this trailer for the first time. My immediate reactions? Piccolo doesn’t look like Piccolo, Goku looks like a douche bag and Roshi isn’t crazy enough. There appears to be no charm only lame attempts at fight scenes. What’s that at 0:57? A transformer? And, you know what? That live action Kamehameha looks pretty damn stupid. Hollywood completely fucked this one up by turning it into National Treasure meets Street Fighter. Here’s probably what the conversation at 20th Century FOX was like:
FOX Exec: I like money.
Producer: Well, people seem to like this Dragonball Z thing. It’s Asian.
FOX Exec: Asian, eh? They’re made of robots. Let’s do it.
Producer: Sweet, I think if we stick to some of the original ideas, what people really like about it, then it’ll be a real blockbus…
FOX Exec: No, that’s too easy.
Producer: Too easy, sir?
FOX Exec: Yes. We need to spice it up, so let’s go in a different direction from what people like about it. Like what Batman did.
Producer: What did Batman do?
FOX Exec: He got serious. If we make Tigerballs into a dark, serious action/drama people will jizz on their popcorn.
Producer: It’s Dragonball, sir. Wouldn’t it be more successful if we harness the excitement of existing fans by creating a real homage to what everyone likes about Dragonball Z?
FOX Exec: No. I believe it’s time for my blow job.
Producer: Yes, sir.
You know what this trailer looks like? This looks like a Power Rangers movie. See the similarities? Same weak fight scenes, same bad makeup on the bad guy. Same goofy ass narrator, same cheeky non-phrases. Same sexed up chick fighters. But hey, I really liked the Power Rangers Movie when I was in elementary school. So maybe Dragonball Evolution will be the new PR for 5 year olds because it sure as hell isn’t going to stimulate anyone that reads regularly.
Bottom line:
Don’t pay for this, unless you’re trying to get into a 5th graders pants (you sick fuck) or if you’re paying for the pot or booze.
Dragonball Evolution – What the shit?
When I heard “they” (aka dumb-fuck Hollywood) were making a DBZ movie, I was actually pretty excited. Not only was DBZ one of my favorite after school shows that pumped me up for track practice, but with episode after episode of enemies gazing into each others’ eyes while grunting and “charging up”, it kindled one of my longstanding loves, men. So, clearly I was excited when I heard DBZ was being adapted to the bring screen. Then I heard it was going to be a live action movie. “Okay,” I thought, “that could be really stupid or pretty cool if they pull it off.” Later on, when I heard that they’re making a Dragonball movie instead of a DBZ movie my reaction was, “Why?”
Fast forward to whenever I saw this trailer for the first time. My immediate reactions? Piccolo doesn’t look like Piccolo, Goku looks like a douche bag and Roshi isn’t crazy enough. There appears to be no charm only lame attempts at fight scenes. What’s that at 0:57? A transformer? And, you know what? That live action Kamehameha looks pretty damn stupid. Hollywood completely fucked this one up by turning it into National Treasure meets Street Fighter. Here’s probably what the conversation at 20th Century FOX was like:
You know what this trailer looks like? This looks like a Power Rangers movie. See the similarities? Same weak fight scenes, same bad makeup on the bad guy. Same goofy ass narrator, same cheeky non-phrases. Same sexed up chick fighters. But hey, I really liked the Power Rangers Movie when I was in elementary school. So maybe Dragonball Evolution will be the new PR for 5 year olds because it sure as hell isn’t going to stimulate anyone that reads regularly.
Bottom line:
Don’t pay for this, unless you’re trying to get into a 5th graders pants (you sick fuck) or if you’re paying for the pot or booze.
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